Yesterday was my birthday.
And I had drafted this blog up yesterday morning but didn’t quite get back to it until a friend asked what I am going to give myself for my birthday.
I wrote back that I had already addressed that question with some writing. And here it is.
I think it would be fair to say I have had a challenging time of it for most of my life.
At different times and for different reasons I have felt depressed, lonely and sad, never really feeling that I fit in anywhere. Or perhaps more accurately never allowing myself to fit in.
Through partying, a brutal exercise schedule and moving in and out of relationships I attempted to fill my life with what could never hold the answer.
This worked for a while. These things took enough of my time and energy to keep who I truly was, not silent, but quiet enough to remain in the background.
Interestingly, I have never shown who I really am to the world. And I am sure many feel the same way. Well, actually I know this because people tell me this regularly.
Do you know the feeling that something is not quite right?
Now if you are feeling that you are holding something back from the rest of the world or are uncertain about what you are sharing then the philosophy I share in my writing and with anyone I work with just might be for you.
Since the time I was a little boy I have been acutely aware of a strong spiritual presence in my life. Sometimes it has literally been a lifesaving one and I believe it has been with me to guide and protect me through to this point of my life.
And my-oh-my, I have resisted this.
When I look back now it is clear that no matter how dark my life became it was clear this presence was with me pouring wisdom into my troubled head.
Why choose someone so broken and scared? God only knows!
That was a joke by the way!
Now that I am more publicly embracing my duty as a spiritual teacher many have asked me what has changed.
Not much personally, just my willingness and preparedness to share who I am with the world by carrying out this duty, and more importantly, making myself available for this duty.
This is not easy for me.
And not what I desire as a human being. No way! I wish it were easy. I am consistently standing in my own way with patterns of avoidance and resistance.
A friend wrote to me recently with these exact words, ‘There is some serious self-sabotage happening here. The path is right in front of you, you just need to step in!’
Can I ask whether there is any self-sabotage in your life? Or evidence that you are not stepping into your path?
So yes, yesterday was my birthday. And what am I going to gift myself?
I’m going to gift myself the love and self-respect to present myself to the world, in a way that fully embraces who I am – warts and all.
I give myself the gift of being real. Not for likes, not for popularity and not to create status, wealth or reputation. I give myself the gift of being real because I am worth it, because my faith expects it and because all who I meet are also worthy of the truth of who I am.
To the planet and all who dwell on her I offer the gift of the conditional expressionism philosophy and phusion living.
Thank you to the people who are already sharing this with me – both groups and individuals – as we set about showering the world with a genuine attitude of love and acceptance for all.
In fact, on my birthday yesterday I was privileged to work with a woman who is using the phusion process to rebuild her life. She wrote last night, ‘thanks so much again – all this is amazing!’ I should be thanking her. It is courage like hers that this work is built on and it is courage like hers that brings me out of the darkness when wallowing seems so much easier. What a gift she is to the world.
Happy birthday Tim!