This is the darkness.
And for many it is real.
Darkness can be the home of fear, ‘stuckness’, trauma and shame. Until you have taken a seat, frozen and scared in a dark, dark world you mightn’t understand.
You are rendered immobile, even when every logical thought you have tells you it doesn’t have to be this way. Some, tragically, go into the darkness and never come out.
This is the darkness.
And this darkness is also the home of unconditional love and forgiveness. It is the home of compassion, of strength and of courage. Here you can come to fully understand the true power of love. And here you can prove your ability to fully embrace the human experience and all that comes with it.
If you are someone who lives with darkness your situation could be a great opportunity to learn to love yourself fully and unconditionally. Love yourself in darkness and you will love yourself anywhere.
Exploring personal darkness is not for everyone. A masquerade can feel much less painful.
I have spent many years in darkness. I have learnt to shine a light of softness and strength on my struggles and I have learnt that I do not need to escape from them. I do not need to deny them, feel shame because of them, or put them behind me. Or numb them.
This is only my personal story, but I needed to walk with my darkness, to feel it, to understand it and to love this part of me that was hurting so much.
And this is what I have chosen. There were times when the option of checking out was most definitely on the table. But eventually I realised something. In the darkness you are blind. You cannot see and so you are stuck. You are lost.
But what happens in a dark room when you turn on a torch or light? You are able to see. There is light so your surroundings make a little more sense and you gain more control. Even though you are still in the same room, your perspective is changing. After all there is light and with light there is hope.
That light, of course is love. And when that light shines, it does not say this moment will pass nor will it play a magic trick and bring an instant and permanent end to your suffering. What it does say is that this moment is OK. The light tells you that what you are experiencing is nothing to be ashamed of and that you remain worthy of love and honour – no matter what you are experiencing.
For those living in fear and darkness, learning to shine love and acceptance on yourself and your situation, rather than denying it, might be useful.
Denying it won’t work because what is troubling you is a part of who you are and rather than something to be ashamed of makes you more beautiful, more interesting and more unique. And more real and authentic when you embrace it.
What you are experiencing is more common than you think. You are human and many, including me, are with you. It is ok to feel lost.
Never forget that being lost is the first step to being found.
For me the darker parts of my life have become a place of beauty. Incredible beauty. They have become a place of love and understanding and liberated me from living the life of the imposter I thought I wanted the world to see. And I guess it can be all of these things for you.
If you are someone who struggles, next time you are feeling low try to bring a feeling of love and acceptance to the situation, rather than guilt, self-hatred or shame. Just try – it gets easier over time.
Keep at it!
For if you shine a light in the dark…you just might find yourself.